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‘Tell Me The Truth’

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By Steffany Gretzinger

April 18, 2018
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I have a little girl. She’s got long, wild, curly hair like her mama, but it’s crazy blonde like her daddy’s was. Her eyes are like a clear, bright, blue sky, and I’m confident her laugh could end war. Her name is Wonder Grace, and she is truly her name.
 
To say that she is both full of wonder and grace would not be an exaggeration. She’s so lovely, and I am overwhelmed every second of every day that I get to call her mine. I know. Enough mom bragging already! Just stick with me. I’m going somewhere with this…
 
We’ve been traveling together since Wonder was a baby. I think her first trip was at 3 months old. She’s kind of a pro. I’m pretty sure that she’s already flown more in her first few years of life than I had by the time I was 30. Did I mention she’s the happiest traveler in the world? Because, she is. She’s fun and rarely ever breaks down, even on long flights (which is more than I can say for myself somedays). She’s one of the friendliest kids I’ve ever met, known to cheer even the grumpiest of frequent flyers. She’ll speak up and introduce herself to almost anyone! It’s never obnoxious or invasive, always curious and kind. Sometimes, she’ll reach right out and stroke someone on the face or the hand while giving them words of affirmation.
 
I watch people melt into puddles on planes aaaaaaaall the time.
 
Once, she even turned around to tell another kid that it was NOT OK to speak to their mother that way. The child almost immediately stopped yelling at her mom, then she and Wonder became friends. It was amazing.
 
Why am taking all this time to describe my daughter’s social interactions? Well. Because, the braver she became, the more it exposed the parts of my heart that were not. The more boldly she spoke the truth, the more it exposed my passivity.
 
Now, listen. I love people. I happen to be an extrovert. I would even go so far as to say that I am more comfortable in my own skin than most people I know, because I had a father who’s told me every day of my life that I was beautiful and born to change the world. It’s kind of hard not to believe when you’ve grown up hearing it every day.
 
You can imagine why I was shocked the first time I was triggered by my own daughter’s intense kindness and fearless ability to communicate what was on her mind and in her heart. Seems weird, right? After all, I did teach her to do that. The difference was that I was still dealing with fear, and she didn’t have any.
 
Children have nothing to lose by being completely themselves. They see vulnerability as an opportunity for connection. I often hear my daughter say things like this at the playground… “I bet they want to be my friend!” or “Maybe they’re just shy. I’ll go talk to them first.”
 
It took Wonder to remind me that love is always worth the risk. Telling the truth always benefits everyone.
 
Now, I’m no Brené Brown, that’s for sure. But, I know a little something about holding my heart out with shaking hands. I know that it takes courage, and that it might hurt if the other person doesn’t choose to share their heart in return.
 
The thing is that it’s scary to be fully known and to let people get that close and see so much. But, there’s no life apart from intimacy. We all want family. We all want the benefit of intimacy, but we don’t all want the risk. We want someone else to jump first, to do the work first. We want someone to pursue us, so that we know we’re wanted, so that we know this isn’t a one-sided thing we’re doing. If we don’t reach out, then we won’t be rejected.
 
What am I saying? The point is that we can’t have intimacy without vulnerability, without being known. It requires us to tell the truth at every table. God will continue to reveal Himself to us, but He won’t force His hand, and He won’t force our hearts. There’s no ego in the game for Him. It’s like when Wonder introduces herself to a stranger. She’s confident in her side of the connection, but she knows they have to make their own choice.
 
We were created for closeness. We were made to be enjoyed. If closeness seems scary, ask the Holy Spirit to show you where the scary started. Fear is always an invitation to deeper intimacy and friendship.
 
I wrote this song with my best friend after we had a major confrontation that became a milestone in our friendship. It’s only gotten richer and deeper than we could have imagined. We hope that it gives you courage. 
 
“Tell Me The Truth” by Steffany Gretzinger


  • Get/listen to Steffany Gretzinger’s album, Blackout
  • Learn more about and stay connected with Steffany Gretzinger

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